A break from the usual

This is my middle finger to the wedding industry.

By reading the first sentence, you might assume that I'm a bitter, cynical, single woman who can't keep a decent relationship and have had my heart broken time and time again. And you'd be wrong. I'm actually engaged. Yup, I've been with my sweetheart for more than 5 years, and we're getting married in September.

So why the hatred towards the wedding industry?

In my quest towards the most authentic wedding in which I feel most myself, I have hit so many speed bumps along the way, and the obstacle that I constantly face in the wedding industry. Every once in a while, I wander to theknot.com, and then I wonder where my sanity has gone.

There are all kinds of questions posted by users like, "Is it ok if the flowers from my reception don't match the flowers at my ceremony?" Of course, it's flippin ok! It's YOUR wedding.

Thanks to happily ever after, Macy's, and Martha Stewart, family and friends are convinced that I NEED a cake stand, that I NEED to register for gifts, that I NEED to invite a bunch of relatives that I wouldn't recognize if I passed them on the street.

The truth is, I'm painfully practical. I'm the type of girl who enjoys trash-picking because it's more economical and helps the environment. I'm the type of girl who will purposefully chooses a certain color palate for clothing so that each garment will go together. I'm also the type of girl who clips coupons, goes to yard sales, reuses aluminum foil, washes ziploc bags, hangs up laundry to dry, and cuts her own hair as well as her partner's.

If you're thinking, this lady is cheap, yeah, you're right. But that's not what it's all about.

I have zero interest in registering for gifts--in fact, I would rather folks donate money to charity. You know what happened when I suggested that? Friends and family got angry. Take a guess at the reaction I received when I told my family and friends that my fiance and I are going to volunteer for a cause we care deeply about for our honeymoon. They all tried to talk us out of it, but the truth is, we didn't have the money to plunk down on a cruise or Hawaiian vacation.

When it comes down to it, all that matters is the connection, the community, and then fun that you have on your wedding day. It is not a show or a demonstration. Just because it's your wedding day does not mean that you have to do everything differently: wear a big poofy dress, eat fancy food that you can't pronounce, use ornately decorated china, parade your friends around in matching outfits, expect everyone to be at your beckon call, and spend $4 on each calligraphied piece of paper you call an invitation.

Whew! I feel better!

Fixing common relationship pitfalls: Children

As we all know, compromising with your partner can be a delicate dance of compromise There are many life decisions that require this balancing act, and one of the most troubling issues for couples.

So what do you do if you and your partner don't agree about when or how many children to have?

1) Just like money issues, know your own wants. Why argue about something if you're not100% sure what you want?

2) Come up with a list of deep questions that will get to the root of the person's wishes. Ask your partner

3) Now it's time to get real-start asking the tough questions. Who will be in charge of what? Will someone stay home with the child? Will you live on two incomes or one? Will religion be a part of your parenting plan? There are an infinite number of issues to discuss.

4) It's fine to assert your opinion and express your opinions, but avoid excessive pressure, no matter what side of the argument you're on.

5) Turn toward some outward opinions. There's certainly value in asking friends and family about family planning. How did they decide when the best time would be to conceive? How did they decide how many children to have? You get the idea.

Try all of these approaches to find the balance that works for you.

How to talk about money with your partner

My personal philosophy is, you can't truly have a great relationship until an agreement about money has been made. Money can be difficult to discuss because it may represent security, love, power, control, or fear. And you may not agree with your partner's opinions or what money represents.

Here are some tips for bringing up the subject of money with your partner:

1) First, know where you stand. For example, if you are accustomed to being independent with your money and prefer to keep separate bank accounts, be upfront about it. Maybe you feel more secure with sharing an account so that financial records are transparent.

2) Begin a conversation with your partner about your life's values. Truly, financial planning is all about values. We all know that we ought to spend less than we earn, but if we don't define our values, our spending may not align as we'd like for them to. There is a difference between goals and values, however. For example, I would like to take a trip to Europe. This is a goal. Maybe I value leisure time. This goal and value align, but consider this example: Maybe it's my goal to buy a ferrari, but I value family time. I could possibly afford the ferrari, but I'd have to work extra hours at work to afford it. In this case, I would miss out on family time, which is what I truly value.

3) Choose a neutral time to discuss financial goals and ideals: The heat of an argument is usually not the best time to bring up financial issues.

4) Applicable in any circumstance is compromise. If you both value your relationship, you must be willing to negotiate. And it may be feasible to sort out these issues independently, but it may also help to bring in a third party. Choose what feels comfortable for you as a couple.

With some work, compromise, and genuine communication, you can certainly learn to to deal with financial issues, and you may even grow closer with your partner.

Fixing common relationship pitfalls: Money

Sooner or later, a couple will face a few issues in the relationship that seem difficult to get past. Certainly a couple can't agree on everything, but here are 3 common issues that seem to cause problems for scores of couples.

Try to work these topics into conversation if you're not married or not in a committed relationship to make sure some of these biggie road bumps can be avoided.

Money

Money does not have to be a subject that is inherently troublesome. Many financial advisers will recommend to have an open and candid conversation about finances, especially if there are some sore spots. Facing up to the to the problems will be your only shot of planning to dig yourself out of a hole

• Lay out all your cards on the table about your financial situation. Negative financial surprises can certainly be a deal breaker, especially if you try to hide them at the beginning of a relationship.
  
• Don't bring up the topic during a heated argument. This type of conversation will likely not be productive, so set aside some time for discussion so neither feels threatened.
  
• Learn about the other person's spending habits. I've read that spenders tend to gravitate toward spenders. Opposites attract I suppose : 0
  
• Two words: Don't blame.
• If you're getting married, talk about making savings a priority. Having a cushion will always ease the stress of financial problems like job loss or medical bills.
  
• Decide up front which person will be responsible for paying the monthly bills.
• Allow each person to maintain some financial independence to spend money on personal hobbies or individual wants.
  
• Talk about caring for aging parents and how it might be appropriate to plan for their financial needs, if necessary.

Stay tuned for the next post-I'll teach you how to bring up money to your partner in the least painful manner

Top ten questions to ask on a first date

You heart is pounding, your palms or sweaty, and your mind is completely blank..... what do you say? Try the these suggestions for a light and fun conversation that will tell you more about the person that's sitting across the table.

1) What's your favorite book?
This will tell you so much about a person because it reveals their inner values and thoughts. Maybe they like humor? Romance? Mysteries? In my opinion, this question will provide you with the same information that you'd get from asking about their favorite movie, but it's a little more unique.

2) What's your ideal job?
Asking this question will really give you a peek into their true passions and values. What does this person really want out of life? This question will tell you. If the person can't think of what their ideal job would be (who doesn't dream?!), then maybe ask what they wanted to be when they were a child.

3) So what do your parents do?
Get a good idea of the person's family background by asking a seemingly innocent question as this one. In-laws can be a make or break a relationship--what you might find could be scary!

4) What are three things that most people don't know about you?
This might be another really scary question because some people can be a little too honest. There is a lot to be said about self-awareness.....

5) What do you like to do for fun?
Having a common hobby can be the glue that holds a relationship together. My partner and I enjoying volunteering to help animals. We get so much gratification spending time with furry friends, and we often recall these memories fondly.

6) What is the most annoying thing that someone could do to you?
You might be able to laugh about some strange pet peeves, and it would also give you a better idea of the person's likes and dislikes.

7) If you could name a movie that describes your life, what would it be?
People tend to have a general attitude about life that could be described through a movie genre, so this might tell you how positive the person is about life.

8) What is the most unusual thing you know how to do?
Maybe this person grew up on a farm and knows how to milk a cow. If so, maybe this person wants to live in a rural area. Perhaps the person can answer sports trivia and they would appreciate tickets to a game.

9) Name your celebrity crush
The stories this answer could tell.....

10) If a genie granted you three wishes, what would you wish for?
Again, values revealed here people!

Happy Cinco De Mayo!

Hey folks! It's Cinco de Mayo! While the 5th of May has little to do with relationships between people, it's a great day to celebrate my love affair with Mexican food..... mmmmm......

Vegetarian para mi!




Oh, and Chihuahuas! A rescued chihuahua, por favor!

My parents adopted a chihuahua from a local rescue about a year and half ago, and she is a baby doll. Sure, she's got a serious attitude, but she is nothing short of faithful and devoted.

How can you deny their adorable little faces?

Mi querida!

War of the Roses Episode 3: winning a trip!

"You know you're my only pappi" LOLOLOLOL

This is great!