A break from the usual

This is my middle finger to the wedding industry.

By reading the first sentence, you might assume that I'm a bitter, cynical, single woman who can't keep a decent relationship and have had my heart broken time and time again. And you'd be wrong. I'm actually engaged. Yup, I've been with my sweetheart for more than 5 years, and we're getting married in September.

So why the hatred towards the wedding industry?

In my quest towards the most authentic wedding in which I feel most myself, I have hit so many speed bumps along the way, and the obstacle that I constantly face in the wedding industry. Every once in a while, I wander to theknot.com, and then I wonder where my sanity has gone.

There are all kinds of questions posted by users like, "Is it ok if the flowers from my reception don't match the flowers at my ceremony?" Of course, it's flippin ok! It's YOUR wedding.

Thanks to happily ever after, Macy's, and Martha Stewart, family and friends are convinced that I NEED a cake stand, that I NEED to register for gifts, that I NEED to invite a bunch of relatives that I wouldn't recognize if I passed them on the street.

The truth is, I'm painfully practical. I'm the type of girl who enjoys trash-picking because it's more economical and helps the environment. I'm the type of girl who will purposefully chooses a certain color palate for clothing so that each garment will go together. I'm also the type of girl who clips coupons, goes to yard sales, reuses aluminum foil, washes ziploc bags, hangs up laundry to dry, and cuts her own hair as well as her partner's.

If you're thinking, this lady is cheap, yeah, you're right. But that's not what it's all about.

I have zero interest in registering for gifts--in fact, I would rather folks donate money to charity. You know what happened when I suggested that? Friends and family got angry. Take a guess at the reaction I received when I told my family and friends that my fiance and I are going to volunteer for a cause we care deeply about for our honeymoon. They all tried to talk us out of it, but the truth is, we didn't have the money to plunk down on a cruise or Hawaiian vacation.

When it comes down to it, all that matters is the connection, the community, and then fun that you have on your wedding day. It is not a show or a demonstration. Just because it's your wedding day does not mean that you have to do everything differently: wear a big poofy dress, eat fancy food that you can't pronounce, use ornately decorated china, parade your friends around in matching outfits, expect everyone to be at your beckon call, and spend $4 on each calligraphied piece of paper you call an invitation.

Whew! I feel better!

Fixing common relationship pitfalls: Children

As we all know, compromising with your partner can be a delicate dance of compromise There are many life decisions that require this balancing act, and one of the most troubling issues for couples.

So what do you do if you and your partner don't agree about when or how many children to have?

1) Just like money issues, know your own wants. Why argue about something if you're not100% sure what you want?

2) Come up with a list of deep questions that will get to the root of the person's wishes. Ask your partner

3) Now it's time to get real-start asking the tough questions. Who will be in charge of what? Will someone stay home with the child? Will you live on two incomes or one? Will religion be a part of your parenting plan? There are an infinite number of issues to discuss.

4) It's fine to assert your opinion and express your opinions, but avoid excessive pressure, no matter what side of the argument you're on.

5) Turn toward some outward opinions. There's certainly value in asking friends and family about family planning. How did they decide when the best time would be to conceive? How did they decide how many children to have? You get the idea.

Try all of these approaches to find the balance that works for you.

How to talk about money with your partner

My personal philosophy is, you can't truly have a great relationship until an agreement about money has been made. Money can be difficult to discuss because it may represent security, love, power, control, or fear. And you may not agree with your partner's opinions or what money represents.

Here are some tips for bringing up the subject of money with your partner:

1) First, know where you stand. For example, if you are accustomed to being independent with your money and prefer to keep separate bank accounts, be upfront about it. Maybe you feel more secure with sharing an account so that financial records are transparent.

2) Begin a conversation with your partner about your life's values. Truly, financial planning is all about values. We all know that we ought to spend less than we earn, but if we don't define our values, our spending may not align as we'd like for them to. There is a difference between goals and values, however. For example, I would like to take a trip to Europe. This is a goal. Maybe I value leisure time. This goal and value align, but consider this example: Maybe it's my goal to buy a ferrari, but I value family time. I could possibly afford the ferrari, but I'd have to work extra hours at work to afford it. In this case, I would miss out on family time, which is what I truly value.

3) Choose a neutral time to discuss financial goals and ideals: The heat of an argument is usually not the best time to bring up financial issues.

4) Applicable in any circumstance is compromise. If you both value your relationship, you must be willing to negotiate. And it may be feasible to sort out these issues independently, but it may also help to bring in a third party. Choose what feels comfortable for you as a couple.

With some work, compromise, and genuine communication, you can certainly learn to to deal with financial issues, and you may even grow closer with your partner.

Fixing common relationship pitfalls: Money

Sooner or later, a couple will face a few issues in the relationship that seem difficult to get past. Certainly a couple can't agree on everything, but here are 3 common issues that seem to cause problems for scores of couples.

Try to work these topics into conversation if you're not married or not in a committed relationship to make sure some of these biggie road bumps can be avoided.

Money

Money does not have to be a subject that is inherently troublesome. Many financial advisers will recommend to have an open and candid conversation about finances, especially if there are some sore spots. Facing up to the to the problems will be your only shot of planning to dig yourself out of a hole

• Lay out all your cards on the table about your financial situation. Negative financial surprises can certainly be a deal breaker, especially if you try to hide them at the beginning of a relationship.
  
• Don't bring up the topic during a heated argument. This type of conversation will likely not be productive, so set aside some time for discussion so neither feels threatened.
  
• Learn about the other person's spending habits. I've read that spenders tend to gravitate toward spenders. Opposites attract I suppose : 0
  
• Two words: Don't blame.
• If you're getting married, talk about making savings a priority. Having a cushion will always ease the stress of financial problems like job loss or medical bills.
  
• Decide up front which person will be responsible for paying the monthly bills.
• Allow each person to maintain some financial independence to spend money on personal hobbies or individual wants.
  
• Talk about caring for aging parents and how it might be appropriate to plan for their financial needs, if necessary.

Stay tuned for the next post-I'll teach you how to bring up money to your partner in the least painful manner

Top ten questions to ask on a first date

You heart is pounding, your palms or sweaty, and your mind is completely blank..... what do you say? Try the these suggestions for a light and fun conversation that will tell you more about the person that's sitting across the table.

1) What's your favorite book?
This will tell you so much about a person because it reveals their inner values and thoughts. Maybe they like humor? Romance? Mysteries? In my opinion, this question will provide you with the same information that you'd get from asking about their favorite movie, but it's a little more unique.

2) What's your ideal job?
Asking this question will really give you a peek into their true passions and values. What does this person really want out of life? This question will tell you. If the person can't think of what their ideal job would be (who doesn't dream?!), then maybe ask what they wanted to be when they were a child.

3) So what do your parents do?
Get a good idea of the person's family background by asking a seemingly innocent question as this one. In-laws can be a make or break a relationship--what you might find could be scary!

4) What are three things that most people don't know about you?
This might be another really scary question because some people can be a little too honest. There is a lot to be said about self-awareness.....

5) What do you like to do for fun?
Having a common hobby can be the glue that holds a relationship together. My partner and I enjoying volunteering to help animals. We get so much gratification spending time with furry friends, and we often recall these memories fondly.

6) What is the most annoying thing that someone could do to you?
You might be able to laugh about some strange pet peeves, and it would also give you a better idea of the person's likes and dislikes.

7) If you could name a movie that describes your life, what would it be?
People tend to have a general attitude about life that could be described through a movie genre, so this might tell you how positive the person is about life.

8) What is the most unusual thing you know how to do?
Maybe this person grew up on a farm and knows how to milk a cow. If so, maybe this person wants to live in a rural area. Perhaps the person can answer sports trivia and they would appreciate tickets to a game.

9) Name your celebrity crush
The stories this answer could tell.....

10) If a genie granted you three wishes, what would you wish for?
Again, values revealed here people!

Happy Cinco De Mayo!

Hey folks! It's Cinco de Mayo! While the 5th of May has little to do with relationships between people, it's a great day to celebrate my love affair with Mexican food..... mmmmm......

Vegetarian para mi!




Oh, and Chihuahuas! A rescued chihuahua, por favor!

My parents adopted a chihuahua from a local rescue about a year and half ago, and she is a baby doll. Sure, she's got a serious attitude, but she is nothing short of faithful and devoted.

How can you deny their adorable little faces?

Mi querida!

War of the Roses Episode 3: winning a trip!

"You know you're my only pappi" LOLOLOLOL

This is great!

War of the Roses Episode 2: Actually giving away roses this time

Alright.... another cheater caught in the act! Enjoy!

War of the Roses Episode 1: War of vodka?

Although called War of the Roses, this particular radio station uses vodka as their bait. Enjoy......

War of the Roses

If you're a history buff, you know that The War of the Roses, you know that this refers to the series of dynastic civil wars that took place between 1455 and 1485 between supporter of the rival houses of Lancaster and York for the throne of England.

This is not the War of the Roses that we're talking about here. War of the Roses is an interesting radio segment that aired on my local radio station that typically involves setting up a person in a committed relationship to see if they'll take the bait to cheat on their significant other.

The initiator calls the radio station because they fear their spouse, bf, gf, etc. is cheating on them, and the radio show hosts calls the partner while the initiator sits silently on the phone. The radio show host claims that the suspect has just won a free dozen roses as a part of a promotion to be sent to anyone of his or her choice, with no other obligation other than to "please promote our great service."

During the phone call, the radio show host asks the suspect questions that might reveal more information about the person's alleged affair. For example, the host will usually ask the person to submit a personal message with the gift. Once the suspect reveals the name and nature of the relationship, the initiator is then free to jump in and chastise the suspect.

In the next few posts, we will share with your some of our favorite examples of war of the roses.

HIGH-LARITY

The power of adjectives in your relationship

You can attract more bees with honey than vinegar, so the saying says--but does it really work? Any kind of relationship will have disagreements (and this relationship does not have to be romantic in nature. It can be with a parent, boss, sibling, etc.), but it may not always be best to try to strong-arm someone into being the person you would like for them to be.

So what do you do? Hypnosis? Bribery? Blackmail?


None of the above. But you too, can persuade like a politician!

How about subtle persuasion and harnessing the power of adjectives to draw on the person's desire to be liked and admired.

This concept is simple:

1. Think about an adjective that describes a characteristic you would like someone to posses. I.e. generous, open-minded, kind, etc.
   
2. Use the adjective to describe the person while in a conversation with the person
   
3. Stand back and be in awe of how they try and fit into that personality characteristic you have just used to describe them.

An example:

Let's say you're feeling a little neglected by your mate and would like some more attention and affection.

Here's what you say:

"I love how loving and affectionate you are towards me"

Then sit back and watch your mate shower you with attention.

How about another example?

Your mom is unwilling to accept any of your ideas and it's difficult to get her to see your point of view.

I love how open-minded you are.

In the next few weeks you’ll notice your mom becoming more open minded and willing to accept your ideas.

To sum up.....

I can't stress how powerful this technique is.

Don't just read this article, think about how interesting it is, and move on with your life while some of your relationships still need improving. TRY IT today-start labeling someone you know today with a positive characteristic-you will notice them trying to mold themselves to fit your description in hopes that you will show your appreciation and acceptance.

And YOU will enjoy the benefits of their changed behavior!

Try it-and let us know how it goes!

Group Therapy

I got this interesting, but very sad email from a reader who was asking for some advice, so with permission, I'm posting this email so I can get everyone's advice and thoughts.

Dear Broken Hearts Doctor,

I would like some advice about a situation I'm going through with my boyfriend. He pushes me to work out and go to the gym. If I don't go, he guilts me into going, and there are just some days when I don't feel like going. If I don't go, I usually end up in tears.

What should I do?

Sincerely,

Tina

Oooey Gooey Brownies

Sometimes feeding your face after a break up can be the best recipe for a healed heart! Best of all, these brownies are vegan, so you can say that no animals were harmed in the making of these delicious brownies.

Ingredients

• 2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
• 2 cups white sugar
• 3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup water
• 1 cup vegetable oil
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
2. In a large bowl, stir together the flour, sugar, cocoa powder, baking powder and salt. Pour in water, vegetable oil and vanilla; mix until well blended. Spread evenly in a 9x13 inch baking pan.
3. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes in the preheated oven, until the top is no longer shiny. Let cool for at least 10 minutes before cutting into squares.

Fav break up song!

We loves us some Beyonce! And we LOVE Single Ladies! This song is so fun, and it's just a great song to groove to when you're feeling lonely. It's also inspired some AMAZING and HIGH-LARIOUS videos. Seriously though, just watching Beyonce in this video makes me exhausted!



Beyonce Clown:


Born to dance!


This diva is a star!

Break Up Quotes, Part 2

It has been said that laughter is the best medicine, and when loneliness and heartache set in after a relationship has ended, sometimes laughter is the only remedy for the pain. Sorry Advil, but you will not be able to help with this kind of ache.

Of course we all deal with a broken heart in different ways, so today, we'll look at the more humorous break up quotes out there.

1. I ran into my ex the other day, so I put it in reverse and hit him again.

2. Hating you would require an emotional commitment that I'm not willing to make.

3. " You're too young for me. I mean, too *old*. We're the same age? Well, that doesn't work for me, either."

4. "Ah, yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet."
- Robin Williams

5. "My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil."
- Anonymous

6. "You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go."
- Dr. Seuss

7. When you buy a single, it is cheaper than buying all the album. Save your soul, or at least your wallet.

8. "By persistently remaining single, a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation."
-Oscar Wilde

9. "If there were unlimited apartments in Manhattan, we'd all be single forever."
-Miranda from Sex and the City

10. My wife and I were happy for 20 years-then we met
-Rodney Dangerfieldh

Breaking News-Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy Split!

After 5 years of dating, funny man Jim Carrey and sexy Jenny McCarthy have split up!

Confirming the break up, Jenny tweeted:

"I'm so grateful for the years Jim and I had together. I will stay committed to Jane and will always keep Jim as a leading man in my heart."

Yesterday afternoon, Jim posted to his twitter account:

"Jenny and I have just ended our 5yr relationship. I'm grateful 4 the many blessings we've shared and I wish her the very best! S'okay! ?;^>"

Jenny's Valentine's Day surprise was so sweet (sky-writing their initials inside a heart), and Jim seemed so touched!

His Twitter response:
"Jenny my Love, you've stolen my heart, my soul and of course anything you find in my pants XXXXXXOOOOO ;^)"

How sad-they were such a cute couple!

Break Up Quotes, Part 1

Sometimes listening to some sappy music after a break up or talking to a friend helps. Today we'll use some inspirational quotes to help us move on and heal. Overcoming loneliness can be one of the most difficult parts of a break up because the split can come on so fast and leave you wondering what happened.

The great thing about these quotes are that they are from people from all time periods-and that's because broken hearts are timeless and loneliness crosses time, races, and religious affiliations.


1. "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." -Alfred Lord Tennyson

2. "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."
-M. Kathleen Casey

3. “I don’t miss him, I miss who I thought he was.”
-unknown

4. “A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it.”
-Unknown

5. “It takes a couple seconds to say Hello, but forever to say Goodbye. ”
-Anonymous

6. The hottest love has the coldest end.
-Socrates

7. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.
-Unknown

8. "Don't cry because it's over-Smile because it happened."
-Uknown

9. "I don't know what to do now that we're apart; I don't know how to live without the other half of my heart."
-Anonymous

10. I cried today...
not because I missed you
or even wanted you
but because I finally realized
I'm going to be alright without you
-Unknown

All kinds of break ups

While this blog refers to break ups with reference to relationships, breaking up does not have to happen just for couples. A break up can occur in any type of relationship. For example, getting your bank account hijacked every week with fees and penalties might cause you to break up with your bank.

Or seeing a doctor that hardly gives you the time of day and then pushes you out the door to see the next patient. THEN you might want to break up with your doctor.

I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to break up with my cell phone provider because the idiots in customer service can't seem to get their stuff together and actually help me. But then I realize that there are idiots everywhere......

Cheap dates: 10 Dates Under $10

We've all heard how far in the dumps the economy is, but romance doesn't have to be : 0
Use the following ideas to rekindle the love in your life on the cheap!

1. Spa Night-Run a bubble bath and soak in it with your sweetie, and afterwards, set up a towel on your bed or the floor and use some lotion you already have for personal massages. Take your date into the next morning and sleep in!
2. Roller Skating-As long as you don't mind being the oldest individuals in the skating rink besides the parents, have fun with your sweetie on wheels.
3. Fruit Picking-Local fruit farm (peaches in the south, apples in the midwest, grapes in the west, you get the idea) gives you an opportunity to get close to your honey amongst the trees. Once you get home, search for some delicious recipes for the fruits of your labor!
4. Design your dream house-This can be done a couple of ways: you could spend the afternoon going to open houses discussing future homes or you could begin to sketch out the home of your dreams.
5. Bookstore browsing-Even if you aren't buying, it can still be fun to peruse the shelves of cds, how to manuals, romance novels, fiction, and fun calendars. This might be a great way to discover mutual interests and hobbies. Bonus: some bookstores have a coffee shop that will act as secondary part of your date.
6. Sweets with your Sweetie-stop by a local chocolate shop, bakery, or cookie factory. If it is a larger facility, you can ask for a tour or ask to watch bakers decorating cakes or baking cookies.
7. Hiking-grab some water bottles, granola bars, and hit the trails! Try to time it just right so that your hike ends around the time the sun goes down-watching the sun set is so simple and so romantic.
   
8. Volunteer together-Nothing gives you the feeling like volunteers do. Head to your local animal shelter to snuggle up with animals or get some exercise with the dogs.
   
9. Coffee and Open Mic Night-Some coffee shops will host a a free open mic night. Whether it be music or poetry, it can be hit and miss with talent. Even if it's bad, you'll still get some good laughs.
10. Organize a pot luck with another couple-want to show your new flame that you've got some skills in the kitchen? Set up a fun potluck dinner with another couple for a cheap date idea. You can even set up a theme for the evening like all red foods, foods that start with the letter "r", or Mexican foods, etc.

Enjoy a fun, frugal date!

What The Break Up Doctor Is All About

Breaking up is hard to do, or so the song says. With the divorce rate in the United States hovering at around 50%, it's hard to imagine that we have any problem breaking up. On this website, we'll discuss relationship advice, group therapy, griping about your ex, current news about break ups, and a whole lot more!


We'll dive into issues about infidelity, how to maintain your current relationship, sticky issues, divorce, and anything else you want to talk about.

If you'd like to ask a question or submit a Break Up Doctor or submit a Group Therapy topic, email thebreakupdoctor@gmail.com